The Power of Communicating and Connecting with Empathy using Instinctive Drives™ and Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
In his book The Power of Connecting Rik Rushton says “Success, in every realm of your life, is not a solo performance; it comes form engaging with other people, and it’s no surprise that those with superior communication skills achieve higher levels of success”.
Engaging with others and leadership effectiveness is enhanced significantly when:
- We are aware of, and pay attention to, the perspective and Drives of those with whom we communicate; and
- We communicate with emotional intelligence (EQ) involving empathy (awareness of others). This is about noticing and acknowledging others, ensuring that they feel valued and adjusting our own “style” to best fit with theirs. (Research has proven that a leader’s emotional intelligence is key to their capacity to facilitate emotions in themselves and others, emotions that drive high performance and employee engagement).
When using the term “Drives” I refer to Instinctive Drives™ as created by Paul Burgess, where we find our talents and vulnerabilities defined by using or avoiding the perspectives of Verify, Authenticate, Complete and Improvise in dynamic form. We all have a mix of these Drives, usually with one dominant perspective which when known, acknowledged and used keeps us living “in stride” and enabling peak performance, achievement, self esteem and confidence.
In addition our knowledge of different perspectives enables us to use communication “language” which respects the needs of each Drive. This has impact on the feelings of those with whom we communicate and increases the effectiveness of our engagement.
For example, when we are aware that someone (our “audience”) is “Driven to Verify” our communication will be most effective when we give our listener the detail they require, the WHY and the reasons for an anticipated action. Assist their compliance with requests by establishing priorities.
The Authenticator needs to see what is essential and to eliminate wastage. Does it require their full involvement? If not, they’ll be unlikely to stick around. Eliminate “fluff” in your communication.
The Completer will appreciate communication that deters or avoids conflict and disagreement. Harmony and collaboration is key for them. List objectives to help them plan and give them advance notice of requirements so that they can “fit things into their plan”.
When engaging with the Improviser draw attention to the challenges, the urgency and the compelling reason to act. Can they simply “press reply” or “forward button” to facilitate them taking on the next challenge and dealing with urgent matters?
Communicating with empathy includes listening and there’s a big difference between listening and hearing. Hearing is passive and involuntary; it does not require focused attention. Listening is active, voluntary and an intentional process requiring our attention.
Radical listening is where we use body language and non-verbal behaviours to absorb what is being said whilst not considering our answer or responses. It can involve mirroring the speakers movements and responding with the use of the last words of what someone has said to us.
And lets not forget the power of questions in communication. Questioning to clarify or better understand what is said to us doesn’t mean we haven’t listened – it signals that we are interested and engaged in what is said to us.
If you would like further information on this topic or to know more about our leadership and communication courses please call Mike Sayer on 0417 952 183 or email mike@leaderconnect.com.au.